Sometimes Doris is ridiculous in really sweet ways.

Sometimes Doris is ridiculous in really sweet ways.

Everybody’s got a damn sex tape these days.  (at Contra Costa Stadium Cinemas)

Everybody’s got a damn sex tape these days. (at Contra Costa Stadium Cinemas)

I always wanted an #NPR neck tattoo. #allthingsconsidered #bigfan Don’t worry, it’s fake. I mean, I DO love me some NPR, but I’d sooner get a Terry Gross chest piece. Maybe something heroic, involving dragons and Jay-Z.  (at Duncan/Channon)

I always wanted an #NPR neck tattoo. #allthingsconsidered #bigfan Don’t worry, it’s fake. I mean, I DO love me some NPR, but I’d sooner get a Terry Gross chest piece. Maybe something heroic, involving dragons and Jay-Z. (at Duncan/Channon)

On July 19th, me and my fellow Dames are joining forces with the Alameda Museum to celebrate the first official #PhyllisDiller Day with a huge #vintageclothing sale!  (at The Alameda Museum)

On July 19th, me and my fellow Dames are joining forces with the Alameda Museum to celebrate the first official #PhyllisDiller Day with a huge #vintageclothing sale! (at The Alameda Museum)

The man on the radio was talking about electric turbines, but because of his accent, he pronounced it “electric turbans” — which is going to be the name of my new band.
I tore through @mimipondovereasy’s in two days, staying up late last night to finish it. I dreamt that she had written a sequel and when I woke up and realized there was no more to read, I was so sad. Here is her book on one of the famous fabric Superfund Site #BART seats. An ode to the East Bay. (at El Cerrito del Norte)

I tore through @mimipondovereasy’s in two days, staying up late last night to finish it. I dreamt that she had written a sequel and when I woke up and realized there was no more to read, I was so sad. Here is her book on one of the famous fabric Superfund Site #BART seats. An ode to the East Bay. (at El Cerrito del Norte)

Quite possibly, the greatest hat of ALL TIME. #dreampet #noveltyhat #raffia

Quite possibly, the greatest hat of ALL TIME. #dreampet #noveltyhat #raffia

I’m never having children because there is no way to guarantee that they would be this fantastic. So then really, what’s the point?

I love everything about this child. The buster browns and white socks, the empire waist dress with its regal sleeves, the hopeful poise, her smile, and that hair. I bet you she would even quietly entertain herself in her room, interviewing her stuffed animals and singing duets with her Kenny Rogers poster, practicing for her future variety show.

I’m never having children because there is no way to guarantee that they would be this fantastic. So then really, what’s the point?

I love everything about this child. The buster browns and white socks, the empire waist dress with its regal sleeves, the hopeful poise, her smile, and that hair. I bet you she would even quietly entertain herself in her room, interviewing her stuffed animals and singing duets with her Kenny Rogers poster, practicing for her future variety show.